ADR Learning Institute Blog

By: Anita Veldhuisen Slomp, Instructor with ADR Learning Institute Sounds like a peculiar riddle, doesn’t it? I believe the answer can be found in a quote by Ursula K Le Guin, which says, “Love doesn't just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; re-made all the time, made new.” Intrigued? In the email signature from an upcoming student to the ADR Learning Institute, is the [...]

Everything I need to know as a mediator I am learning from being a Grandparent. By Paula Drouin, Founder and Director, ADR Learning Institute Spending New Year’s Eve alone with a two-year-old and a four-year-old can teach you what you need to know as a professional neutral facilitator, commonly referred to as a mediator.  The first thing I noticed was how slow the clock was ticking for me. It’s [...]

Being a mediator for a quarter century has taught me a few things. Most recently I’ve been reminded of the value of being invisible and the level of humility it takes to master being a mediator.

What makes a great mediator? Turns out it is the ability to listen deeply and be fully present. Over twenty-five years being a mediator and delivering mediation training, I’ve gained a deep respect for the presence truly great mediators bring to their party’s negotiation.

The journey to understand yourself requires an exploration of what you believe to be true. Because what you believe to be true is how you add meaning to the moments in your life.

We all notice when someone seems distraught, anxious, uncomfortable, upset, or distressed.  We find ourselves deciding whether to give them space or check in with them.  If we are unsure of how to check on them, our default may be to just give them space.  But there is a simple way to help them process what they are going through, if you keep it S.I.M.P.L.E. Smile as you approach them.  [...]

By: Paula Drouin, Founder and President of ADR International Group Inc. and ADR Learning Institute I recently finished reading a book called A Better Man by Louise Penny.  There are two lines in the book that have inspired this little article.  The first is “If you own the truth, then you must also own the malice.” The second is “Things are strongest when they are broken.”  I recognize that [...]

The armistice agreement was signed at 5:00am on the 11th day of the 11th month, 1918, but was not to take effect for 6 hours.  Messages were sent to the front lines informing military personnel that the war would end at 11:00am. For a moment put yourself in the wet, cold boots of a soldier on the front lines huddled in a smelly, noisy trench, being given that message.  [...]

When was the last time you apologized? What motivated the apology? Was the apology to sooth your guilt, silence the other person, or just to move on? Or did it come from a place of understanding how your behaviour impacted the other and then it was given for their benefit and the benefit of the relationship? I am not referring to the “I’m sorry” that Canadians are famous for [...]

Author: Heather Stewart   Edited by Paula Drouin When wrongdoing occurs at work, people are left trying to make sense of what happened, and how to address the impact. People’s basic human need for fairness surfaces along side a desire for justice. Our legal tradition to have an outside authority determine fault and met out punishment is directed at bringing back balance.  This outcome seems fair but rarely helps the [...]

nyone who knows me knows that I have described gossip as the cancer in organizations. They have heard me say that employee’s dependence on the informal information pipeline, called gossip, could be damaging moral, undermining leadership, and causing harm. Gossip is cited as an example of disrespect in most modern Respectful Workplace Policies.  So why would I write an article talking about the importance of gossip in an organization? Because, in my quest to become old and wise, not just old, I read topics to expose myself to ideas that are different from the ones I hold true.

Author: Paula Drouin in appreciation and memory of Kenneth Newell “Tell me, what it is you plan to do with your one wild, precious life.” – by Mary Oliver. This is a quote I saw during a recent holiday.  It was hanging on the wall in the dining room and greeted me at every meal.  Being in the business of conflict resolution I most often meet people when they [...]

Author: Paula Drouin, Founder ADR Learning Institute “Conflict is the Pathway to Intimacy”, said author Carl Whitaker, a famous family therapist.[1] This is a saying I heard decades ago, and have been using as a stimulus for discussion in various workshops. Do you agree or disagree?  Some think the statement would be more accurate if it read, “intimacy is the pathway to conflict”. Both are probably true and answering [...]

The time has come to create “Conflict Encouraged" work spaces, please.  If I have learned anything after twenty-one years of being a ‘neutral’ parachuting into organizations to address conflict, it is this: Talking about the other person, does not resolve conflict Picking a side, does not resolve conflict Finger pointing, fault finding, and blaming others, does not resolve conflict Ignoring conflict, does not resolve conflict Formal complaints, do not [...]

“The world isn't fair, Calvin." "I know Dad, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?” ― Bill Watterson, The Essential Calvin and Hobbes: A Calvin and Hobbes Treasury Have you ever wondered what is going on in your brain or the brains of your clients and coworkers when a conflict exists?  Have you been surprised or confused about what appeared to be an “off the chart” reaction [...]