Being a mediator for a quarter century has taught me a few things. Most recently I’ve been reminded of the value of being invisible and the level of humility it takes to master being a mediator.
The best compliment I received in the role of mediator was a question one party asked at the end of a small team mediation. This happened at least a decade ago when an employment team was struggling because a member that had been off sick for several months was refused long-term disability and had to return to work. No one was happy with the decision, not the employee who had to return or the teammates who would have to work with them again. I met with each of them individually and then prepared them to participate in a mediated conversation to design how they would work together going forward. At the end of the mediation, one of the participants said to me “I don’t know why we needed you here, we could have done this ourselves.” I just smiled and said, “Perhaps you could have”. Invisibility? Accomplished!
On the drive back to my office my head was saying… “are you kidding me! you have no idea how much one-on-one work went into preparing each of you to participate in a non-offensive, non-defensive way, or how the most subtle of interjections changed the course of the conversation during the mediation.” That is where humility comes in. It is important for the client to believe in their capacity to resolve issues on their own. The more confidence they have, the more likely they will be to address future issues earlier. For me, that is the ultimate goal of this work. To take the fear out of addressing conflict and build confidence in the client’s capacity to resolve issues.
In most careers people strive to be noticed, to be given credit for the work they do, to advertise their accomplishments in order to get ahead. In the field of alternative dispute resolution (ADR), so much of the work is not only conducted as a solo mediator in a private confidential process, but the better you are the more invisible you become in the room. The more subtle your interventions, the better you become at gently directing the flow of conversation. The goal is for the clients to become less dependent on the mediator.
A mediator’s presence is more important than any other single trait. How does the mediator build rapport, trust, confidence, and safety? How good are they at staying out of the way of the conversation that has to happen between the parties?
I have designed our Mediation Training Certificate Program to emphasize mediator presence. There are many mediation training options available that teach the interest-based mediation model, which is the same model we teach. However, our emphasis on mediator presence, pre-mediation, along with many opportunities to conduct solo mediations and pre-mediations with coaching from a mediator with designations, is not available everywhere. We are proud to have our program recognized by ADR Institute of Canada and the International Mediation Institute as meeting the education requirements for the National and International designations of Qualified Mediator.
If you have a little voice inside telling you you’d make a good mediator, and you want your presence to make a difference, go to our Mediation Training landing page for more information.
When we receive your application we will send an email to set up an interview. All of our applicants are interviewed and given an opportunity to ask whatever they’d like. Oh ya! Our learners are from all over the world and we have launched an Alumni Platform so they can connect and network with other graduates from the same or other countries. The program is fully online with opportunities for face-to-face coached role plays when there are at least three learners in the same geographic location.
