What makes a great mediator? Turns out it is the ability to listen deeply and be fully present. Over twenty-five years being a mediator and delivering mediation training, I’ve gained a deep respect for the presence truly great mediators bring to their party’s negotiation.
The journey to understand yourself requires an exploration of what you believe to be true. Because what you believe to be true is how you add meaning to the moments in your life.
We all notice when someone seems distraught, anxious, uncomfortable, upset, or distressed. We find ourselves deciding whether to give them space or check in with them. If we are unsure of how to check on them, our default may be to just give them space. But there is a simple way to help them process what they are going through, if you keep it S.I.M.P.L.E. Smile as you approach them. Their brain will register your approach as non-threatening. Inquire about how they are doing ‘today’, or at this moment. You can mention what you are noticing about their behaviour and ask [...]
By: Paula Drouin, Founder and President of ADR International Group Inc. and ADR Learning Institute I recently finished reading a book called A Better Man by Louise Penny. There are two lines in the book that have inspired this little article. The first is “If you own the truth, then you must also own the malice.” The second is “Things are strongest when they are broken.” I recognize that we all assign our own meaning to the words we read. This article represents the meaning I have assigned. “If you own the truth, then you must also own the malice.” [...]
The armistice agreement was signed at 5:00am on the 11th day of the 11th month, 1918, but was not to take effect for 6 hours. Messages were sent to the front lines informing military personnel that the war would end at 11:00am. For a moment put yourself in the wet, cold boots of a soldier on the front lines huddled in a smelly, noisy trench, being given that message. Would you be wondering how they could be sure? Would the news give you hope, or have you lost all of that? Would you be wondering if that meant you would [...]
When was the last time you apologized? What motivated the apology? Was the apology to sooth your guilt, silence the other person, or just to move on? Or did it come from a place of understanding how your behaviour impacted the other and then it was given for their benefit and the benefit of the relationship? I am not referring to the “I’m sorry” that Canadians are famous for delivering daily. The “I’m sorry I bumped into you” or “I’m sorry I reached for the same book you were reaching for.” Or the “I’m sorry that I said I’m sorry [...]
Author: Heather Stewart Edited by Paula Drouin When wrongdoing occurs at work, people are left trying to make sense of what happened, and how to address the impact. People’s basic human need for fairness surfaces along side a desire for justice. Our legal tradition to have an outside authority determine fault and met out punishment is directed at bringing back balance. This outcome seems fair but rarely helps the victim restore or rebuild what was lost. Restorative Justice introduction Restorative justice requires a different way of thinking when it comes to addressing wrongdoing. Rather than viewing wrongdoing as a violation [...]
nyone who knows me knows that I have described gossip as the cancer in organizations. They have heard me say that employee’s dependence on the informal information pipeline, called gossip, could be damaging moral, undermining leadership, and causing harm. Gossip is cited as an example of disrespect in most modern Respectful Workplace Policies. So why would I write an article talking about the importance of gossip in an organization? Because, in my quest to become old and wise, not just old, I read topics to expose myself to ideas that are different from the ones I hold true.
Author: Paula Drouin in appreciation and memory of Kenneth Newell “Tell me, what it is you plan to do with your one wild, precious life.” – by Mary Oliver. This is a quote I saw during a recent holiday. It was hanging on the wall in the dining room and greeted me at every meal. Being in the business of conflict resolution I most often meet people when they are unhappy, disillusioned, dissatisfied, frustrated, and feeling trapped between fight, freeze, flight, tend or befriend. Being in those states can land a person a long way from remembering that they only [...]
Author: Paula Drouin, Founder ADR Learning Institute “Conflict is the Pathway to Intimacy”, said author Carl Whitaker, a famous family therapist.[1] This is a saying I heard decades ago, and have been using as a stimulus for discussion in various workshops. Do you agree or disagree? Some think the statement would be more accurate if it read, “intimacy is the pathway to conflict”. Both are probably true and answering which comes first would be like trying to answer the chicken or the egg question. In this article, the word intimacy refers to really knowing someone. What makes them tick? What’s important [...]
