By: Paula Drouin, Founder and Director ADR International Group Inc. and ADR Learning Institute
Wrapping up the school year and entering a summer of reunions, family gatherings in campgrounds or each others village, city, farmland, or homestead. It is the time of year for celebrating graduations in both formal and less formal ways, surrounded by family and friends. We take time to look forward to a few lazy days or evenings of summer. Different smells, sounds, warmth coming from the sun instead of furnace vents, if like me you live in a cold climate.
We plan outings and gatherings with family, friends, faith community, and sometimes colleagues. We hosted a mediator gathering in the south of France in June and I’m just unwinding from a family reunion I attended in PEI over the weekend. It has me reflecting on why we plan, why we attend, why we go through the effort to gather. Travel expenses, food preparation, anticipation of how it will go, who will be there, what unexpected thing will happen and wondering if we are prepared for the unexpected. Will people enjoy it? What if … drinks too much? What if …… starts talking politics or religion? What if the ex’s show up? Do we have enough food choices to satisfy carnivores, lactose intolerant, gluten free, vegetarian, vegan and kosher? So why do we bother?
There are so many ways in our modern world to avoid connecting in person with people, even those living under the same roof. So many reasons to notice what makes us different and use those as a reason not to connect, not to get curious, and not to make eye contact and actually listen. Yet, many of us will plan or show up at a gathering or ten this year, sometimes with people we don’t think we have anything in common with. So again, why do we bother?
Coming out of the reunion I’d have to say there is something to be said for being hugged by 140 relatives, and these relatives know how to hug. They pull you in close and hang on. By the thirtieth or fortieth hug you can’t help but tear up, because the unconditional love and acceptance by relatives you may have nothing in common with other than the DNA of grandparents, cannot be denied. No doubt they’ll talk about you behind your back, and it doesn’t matter because they will be there for the tough times and the good times. Family recipes were cooked by a few and shared with all. Family music was performed by the talented and enjoyed by the less musically inclined. All good reasons to ‘bother planning and attending’.
The gathering of mediators in France included hugs, love, laughter and a connection in the shared passion for peace, of helping bring people in conflict to resolution. Healing wounds caused by thoughtless words or actions, shifting people from seeing each other as the problem to working together to resolve the problem. To share the challenges and the triumphs of putting back together what should never have been torn apart. We ate amazing food, had deep discussions, became reignited and curious about strengthening the collaborative muscles. We expanded our network of people to reach out to and be of support to when needed. More good reasons to ‘bother’.
A gathering is a single event that reminds us we are not alone. In the article available below, The Transformative Power of Gathering, Shawn Neumann cited Marshall Rosenberg’s work in Nonviolent Communication which suggests that simply being present with one another has the potential to foster understanding and cooperation.
Here are two quotes from the article:
“Gathering teaches us to see one another not as competitors or resources, not as assets or liabilities, but rather as valuable, complex people, full of stories, struggles, and gifts.”
“Change doesn’t come from authority but from connection and love for one another.”
If you are hesitant about joining a gathering this summer just feel the resistance and show up anyway. You may be surprised by the warmth in spite of the differences, the welcome in spite of the distance, and the connection with people who may be experiencing the ‘fish out of water’ syndrome as you are.
The Transformative Power of Gathering: When we create intentional spaces for connection, we mend what’s broken, foster meaningful change, and glimpse a better way forward. By: Shawn Neumann https://www.inhabitmagazine.com/articles/the-transformative-power-of-gathering
