The armistice agreement was signed at 5:00am on the 11th day of the 11th month, 1918, but was not to take effect for 6 hours. Messages were sent to the front lines informing military personnel that the war would end at 11:00am.
For a moment put yourself in the wet, cold boots of a soldier on the front lines huddled in a smelly, noisy trench, being given that message. Would you be wondering how they could be sure? Would the news give you hope, or have you lost all of that? Would you be wondering if that meant you would be spending Christmas at home? Certainly, you would be talking to other soldiers, commanding officers, nurses, communications personnel about the message. Wondering what was going to happen in a few hours at 11:00am of the 11th day of the 11th month. 11:00am arrives and there is complete and utter silence. The 1st sound of peace. Then the sound of cheering and crying. Not only from your trench but also from the enemies’ trench. Stories have been written about enemies crossing the no-man zone to hug, shake hands, cry and celebrate together. The 2nd sound of peace.
The sound of peace is not the sound of avoiding conflict. It is the sound arrived at through a journey of dialog with the ‘enemy’. Dialogue, both formal and informal, through negotiation, mediation, and other diplomatic avenues.
Avoiding conflict is the sound of conflict turned inward. It is the sound of self-talk ruminating negatively about the ‘other’. War is the sound of unresolved conflict escalated. When parties are no longer talking to each other. When negotiation is not working or is not an option.
Talking to each other is the journey to the sounds of peace. Fighting, convincing, not listening, interrupting, not being committed to understanding, is not dialogue. One way to achieve real dialogue you can follow the C.A.L.M.© Model and prepare for each step of the CALM Model.
C Approach the other person in a Collaborative way; with a ‘let’s work through this together’ tone.
A Confirm what you think is important for the two of you to resolve together; co-create the Agenda
L Listen to understand and share to be understood, so you can Learn about each other’s perspective.
M With a future focus, co-create ways to Move forward that works for both of you and everyone else who is impacted.
If you have stopped talking to the other person, or how you talk to each other is making things worse, then just reach out for help. Through ADR International Group (www.adrig.ca) we are devoted to helping people through the journey towards peace. We provide the services of conflict analysis, mediation, restorative justice, and practices, and coaching through conflict. Through our Education Division, ADR Learning Institute, we provide training to take the fear out of conflict and teach you how to resolve interpersonal conflicts. We deliver mediation training to people who want to help others through their conflict resolution dialogue. All of us are devoted to peace making. We are here to help.
© C.A.L.M. acronym was created by ADR Learning Institute 2018
