We all notice when someone seems distraught, anxious, uncomfortable, upset, or distressed. We find ourselves deciding whether to give them space or check in with them. If we are unsure of how to check on them, our default may be to just give them space. But there is a simple way to help them process what they are going through, if you keep it S.I.M.P.L.E.
Smile as you approach them. Their brain will register your approach as non-threatening.
Inquire about how they are doing ‘today’, or at this moment. You can mention what you are noticing about their behaviour and ask them what is going on for them? did they want to share? is now a good time?
Meaning. What meaning are they adding to whatever they are dealing with. Is the meaning they are adding based on fact? Is the meaning they are adding based on assumptions? If based on assumptions, are they aware they are just assumptions? If they are based on assumptions, or they are making assumptions based on the facts, then help them figure out how they can clarify their assumptions.
Probe with curiosity for clarity, or for more information, so they can understand their own perspective better.
Listen for what happened, for meaning, for feelings, for present impact, and future next steps.
Explore with them what they believe they need to think through or do as a next step.
Sometimes we avoid people because we are not confident that it will help. Other times we avoid because we don’t want to get drawn into their drama. Other times it is because we don’t have the energy and are worried that they will just make their problem our responsibility.
Keep it SIMPLE and you will be able to maintain a caring distance that sends a subtle message that you trust them to be able to handle the situation themselves. If you become a hero in their story, you will cause the conflict to escalate. See Understanding the Drama Triangle vs. Presence video link under Resource Links.
Keep it SIMPLE. They are the expert in their situation, you are simply facilitating them becoming more aware of how they are processing what they are going through. With that information they will gain new insight and better ideas on how to deal with it.
Following these steps with yourself can work as well. Look in the mirror, smile at yourself and then proceed to follow the steps while talking to yourself.
