By Paula Drouin, Founder of ADR International Group Inc and Director of ADR Learning Institute
What makes a great mediator? Turns out it is the ability to listen deeply and be fully present. Over twenty-five years being a mediator and delivering mediation training, I’ve gained a deep respect for the presence truly great mediators bring to their party’s negotiation.
That presence requires the ability to listen deeply to what is said, what is implied and what is not shared in words. To listen deeply you also must be fully present and let go of your own agenda. The ability to be very still and open. Listening with your whole body, your ears, eyes and noticing how your body is responding and processing what you ‘hear’.
Most courses on how to listen teach active listening skills. Usually paraphrasing, clarifying, summarizing, and questioning. These skills are necessary to help someone feel heard and to navigate the flow of a conversation. However, to understand what is important to the speaker requires listening to the meaning behind the words.
Silence provides the space to experience what you are hearing and think deeply about how you will respond. It is a skill that serves not only mediators but anyone who wants to improve their relationships at work and in their personal life. I’ve added some of my favorite links in the Podcasts and Ted Talk Recommendations Section which will provide more insight and ideas on how to improve your listening.
Another thing that makes a great mediator is the ability to improvise. There is a structure we use as a container for the party’s negotiation, however a human to human encounter has many unpredictable moments and it is impossible to script a mediation. Being able to work with what is presented in the moment requires the same skills that great comedians who do improv take training in.
Most of those skills are related to staying in the present and working with what is happening in the moment, rather than shutting it down, or being frozen and wishing something different was happening. Again, this is a skill that will serve anyone well at work and at home. How many days in your life unfold predictably and exactly how you would like them to? If this is an area of weakness then consider signing up for some improv classes, and have some laughs and loads of fun honing some important skills.
