The time has come to create “Conflict Encouraged” work spaces, please. If I have learned anything after twenty-one years of being a ‘neutral’ parachuting into organizations to address conflict, it is this:
- Talking about the other person, does not resolve conflict
- Picking a side, does not resolve conflict
- Finger pointing, fault finding, and blaming others, does not resolve conflict
- Ignoring conflict, does not resolve conflict
- Formal complaints, do not resolve conflict
- Conflict is not the name of an individual
It is time to accept that when two or more of us are gathered together a conflict will arise. Conflict is the pathway to growth. Conflict is the pathway to stronger relationships. Conflict is the pathway to understanding. Workplaces that smother conflict or attack it have lower employee satisfaction and engagement scores; they also risk losing their most talented staff. I have been interviewing employees in conflict for over two decades and I consistently hear that they love their job, they just can’t stand working with or for a particular person.
What can you do to create “Conflict Encouraged” work spaces?
- Encourage people to talk to each other. If someone comes to you and is complaining about someone else, ask them “Who needs to hear this?” and then offer to help them prepare to speak with that other party.
- Listen to both sides before you take any action. Picking a side, especially if you are the person with positional power, can escalate a conflict. If someone believes you are on their side they will be less invested in resolving their conflict with the other person, because your support validates their perspective.
- Do not allow finger pointing, blaming, and fault finding. Bring both people together. Come up with a solution to resolve the immediate issue. Have them come up with a plan to prevent that issue from ever arising again.
- Conflict exists in the dynamic between people. If it is the name of an individual then you need to be addressing the individual and not be distracted by all the conflict their behaviour is creating.
- “If I ignore the conflict, it will go away”… how has that worked so far? Conflict is like a spark in a forest. It will burn out on its own if there is no fuel. However, if there is even the slightest bit of fuel, it will start a bigger fire that will require more resources to put out.
- If the formal complaint is the result of unresolved, unidentified, or poorly handled conflict, then an investigation is not going to resolve the conflict. It will simply determine the probability that the claimed incident happened or not. In some cases all you will be doing is reinforcing a culture of finger pointing, fault finding, and blaming of others. Normally investigations damage workplace relationships, partly because people are told not to talk to each other, but mostly because the process creates an adversarial environment.
In many large workplaces it would be hard for someone in conflict to know where to go for help. However, if they have a complaint then Human Resources, their Union representative, the organizations legal advisors, and even the company website will inform them of the steps to follow. In many cases they will be provided with support and won’t have to do very much beyond completing the forms and speaking with an investigator. If they want to deal with a conflict they are having with a co-worker or their supervisor, then they are often on their own, and they have to invest so much more than the act of filing a complaint requires.
Yet, surprisingly, most complainants I have spoken with would prefer to address the situation directly with the person they are having difficulties with. They just need help. When given the choice of meeting with the respondent before an investigation or after, most choose to meet before the investigation. Knowing that they will probably still need to work together post investigation, their preference is to try to resolve sooner rather than later. The choice is made when an offer of a trained facilitator is given.
Frequently organizations jump too quickly into investigation, taking all control over process and choice of outcome from the complainants. What could you do instead?
STEP 1: Recognize the difference between conflicts and complaints.
STEP 2: Create processes and resources to address conflicts in addition to the ones created for responding to complaints.
STEP 3: Train or hire specialists in conflict analysis or hire external experts to assess conflicts and determine the appropriate process options.
STEP 4: Create a Conflict Management Centre that operates independently from Human Resources and Labour Management. Employees won’t trust a person that is providing both the carrot and the whip.
STEP 5: Work with the Unions to create conflict resolution support, saving their and your complaint response resources for the serious incidents that require an investigative response.
If you or your staff require more training in conflict resolution I hope you will consider ADR Learning Institute. Our courses and workshops are based on what we created to respond to a couple of hundred harassment and discrimination complaints from City of Edmonton Employees.
