Conflict Resolution Tips

By: Paula Drouin, Founder and Director ADR International Group Inc. and ADR Learning Institute Kindness has been a foundational element in all our Conflict Resolution courses as a component of the K.E.N. Principle – Kindness, Engagement, and Neutral Mind, which we see as key ingredients to a successful relationship. However, very recently, I realized that showing up in the world as a kind person, not only to others but also to yourself, can be the medicine to prevent conflict and the medicine to cure conflict when it happens. I’ve always known that the journey to interpersonal conflict resolution [...]

By: Anita Veldhuisen Slomp, Instructor with ADR Learning Institute Sounds like a peculiar riddle, doesn’t it? I believe the answer can be found in a quote by Ursula K Le Guin, which says, “Love doesn't just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; re-made all the time, made new.” Intrigued? In the email signature from an upcoming student to the ADR Learning Institute, is the quote from Paola Freire, an educational philosopher from Brazil: "Love is at the same time the foundation of dialogue and dialogue itself." This combination of words and ideas was an invitation for [...]

Everything I need to know as a mediator I am learning from being a Grandparent. By Paula Drouin, Founder and Director, ADR Learning Institute Spending New Year’s Eve alone with a two-year-old and a four-year-old can teach you what you need to know as a professional neutral facilitator, commonly referred to as a mediator.  The first thing I noticed was how slow the clock was ticking for me. It’s like time stands still. It felt like I’d been there for at least an hour but only 15 minutes had ticked by. Then I realized the grandsons were simply fully engaged [...]

Being a mediator for a quarter century has taught me a few things. Most recently I’ve been reminded of the value of being invisible and the level of humility it takes to master being a mediator.

What makes a great mediator? Turns out it is the ability to listen deeply and be fully present. Over twenty-five years being a mediator and delivering mediation training, I’ve gained a deep respect for the presence truly great mediators bring to their party’s negotiation.

The journey to understand yourself requires an exploration of what you believe to be true. Because what you believe to be true is how you add meaning to the moments in your life.

We all notice when someone seems distraught, anxious, uncomfortable, upset, or distressed.  We find ourselves deciding whether to give them space or check in with them.  If we are unsure of how to check on them, our default may be to just give them space.  But there is a simple way to help them process what they are going through, if you keep it S.I.M.P.L.E. Smile as you approach them.  Their brain will register your approach as non-threatening. Inquire about how they are doing ‘today’, or at this moment. You can mention what you are noticing about their behaviour and ask [...]

By: Paula Drouin, Founder and President of ADR International Group Inc. and ADR Learning Institute I recently finished reading a book called A Better Man by Louise Penny.  There are two lines in the book that have inspired this little article.  The first is “If you own the truth, then you must also own the malice.” The second is “Things are strongest when they are broken.”  I recognize that we all assign our own meaning to the words we read.  This article represents the meaning I have assigned. “If you own the truth, then you must also own the malice.” [...]

The armistice agreement was signed at 5:00am on the 11th day of the 11th month, 1918, but was not to take effect for 6 hours.  Messages were sent to the front lines informing military personnel that the war would end at 11:00am. For a moment put yourself in the wet, cold boots of a soldier on the front lines huddled in a smelly, noisy trench, being given that message.  Would you be wondering how they could be sure? Would the news give you hope, or have you lost all of that? Would you be wondering if that meant you would [...]

When was the last time you apologized? What motivated the apology? Was the apology to sooth your guilt, silence the other person, or just to move on? Or did it come from a place of understanding how your behaviour impacted the other and then it was given for their benefit and the benefit of the relationship? I am not referring to the “I’m sorry” that Canadians are famous for delivering daily.  The “I’m sorry I bumped into you” or “I’m sorry I reached for the same book you were reaching for.” Or the “I’m sorry that I said I’m sorry [...]